I have written this paragraph over and over again, trying to somewhat sugarcoat the ‘ugly’. Truth is, there is no sugarcoating when you speak of a loved one facing death. The word itself feels wrong to say or even type. But that is the reality of our home right now. We live and breath it everyday and hold our breaths with the anxious question is today the day? I have hesitated posting in fear that I will ‘scare you away’ with all this gloominess, yet it is our reality (I speak about it here).
Reality is not pretty right now and is difficult to escape, but like using that oxygen mask on yourself first so you can help others around you, we have decided to try to live as ‘normal’ as possible. It is therefore why I am posting today. Because when I am creating, my mind leaves for a few minutes and that is all I need, a few minutes of that precious oxygen.
But now I am facing a new feeling – guilt. Guilt that I have this outlet and I don’t know that my husband has one. Scared that he will think I don’t care enough – babe, you know that I do care, with all my heart.
I received some cold porcelain from AMACO (it is called cold porcelain because it is air drying and does not need the use of a kiln to cure). Although I had never tried this type of cold porcelain before, I have quickly become addicted and just wish I had more of it.
I made the tea light holders and these sweet little pinecones….
I have also been painting, dreaming of making handmade cards to possibly sell one day (this is what my husband calls my ‘forced’ smile. He would also say ‘I see sadness in your eyes’. He would be right. 🙁
In trying to decorate post Christmas, I made these sweet birch lanterns. I will show you how they were done on a later post. Think faux…….
And so, this is how I escape through art. Friends, now more than ever I appreciate your company and thank you for being here.
I wish you all a beautiful day.
much love,
Lucy
I had missed your earlier post and I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been dealing with.
Your sculpting is beautiful! I also love the birch lanterns.
My heart goes out to you, your husband, father-in-law, children, and the rest of your family. I understand what you are all going through. Please remember, and take solice in the fact, that God is with you all right now and will not leave your sides. Lean on him to get you through this hard time. Also know that you have many friends here and we will not stop caring and stopping by, if and when you need to share what you are feeling. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. Hold on to one another.
First of all, I am always taken aback by your jaw dropping beauty and since i love and know your heart…it just amazes me. Secondly, art as an outlet is God’s way of letting us breathe and worship Him with the gifts he has given. In turn you bless all of us with beauty. Sweet friend, our burdens are not meant to be carried as penance for our circumstances. But given to God. I think art gives you peace and helps give you strength for the morning. And each photo is more beautiful then the next by talented friend. Finally, thanks for checking on me. On the mend but missing crafting like crazy…my broken arm took my creative mojo…I could cry. OK. i wrote a book with my left hand but could not just read this post without commenting! throwing so much love your way…jess
So many beautiful things you’ve made! Loved each one. So glad you have this outlet, and surely your husband knows after all this time that your retreat to art is because you feel the pain in your home right now so keenly. He’d likely worry more about your not caring if you WEREN’T gasping for creative oxygen. Praying for you and your family, and that your father-in-law will be able to go in peace.
Luc…no one could ever say you don’t care enough. I’ve never met any other person who cares and loves like you do. You wear it on your face (I thought the exact things you wrote before I read them) on the way you walk, talk…everything. He knows how much you care. I know he does…you’ve been and continue to be incredible during this time and I know he appreciates all you do. Love ya lots. Cal me whenever 🙂 xo your SIL
So sorry, Lucy, for you and your family. It’s ok to be real with your readers. Now we can pray specifically for you. ♥
Oh Lucy, I feel for you and your family and what you are going through. But there is no right or wrong on how to cope with how you deal with your emotions. It is very healthy to have an escape, and I am sure your husband understands this. It is an uncomfortable situation and no real book to follow on how to act or what you should do. I think your SIL said it all, she knows you more than I do, {ok, I hardly know you only through the blog but your post show what a dear, sweet woman you are, and if I know that than by golly your husband for sure knows that!} don’t let any guilt creep into your thoughts, you and your husband are just trying to survive this terrible part of life, but that is what it is, life. You can’t stop living yours and I am sure your FIL would say the same.
I sit here with tears and feel your pain. I am facing the exact same helplessness right now with my sister and haven’t the courage to yet speak of it on my own blog – if I ever will. Creativity is an outlet – a healthy one that allows you to be the strength for your husband that he no doubt loves about you. Thank you for being strong enough to share with us and also show us your beautiful creations. Your blog fans are thinking of you now and hope you feel the positive energy coming your way. Blogging is not only good for creativity but also for the soul, no? You do what you can to keep your strength up so that you can confidently offer it to those in need. Stay strong.
Is your F-I-l from here in Australia
Sorry for my bad english, i not speak your idiom. Te voy a escribir en español, aunque mi idioma es el italiano, pero quizás entiendes mejor ésto o tal vez el portugués?
Sólo quisiera expresarte toda mi solidaridad y comentarte que entiendo perfectamente tus estados de ánima, hasta tu sensación de culpa, aunque las dos sabemos que no hay culpa ninguna, es humano todo ésto, y además tienes que encontrar un desahogo para seguir adelante, cuidar de tu familia y de tu bienestar y evitar de enloquecer.
Luego, sólo puedo decirte que sigas cortándote un tiempito en el blog para ti a solas, que sigas apoyándote a nosotras y abriendo tu corazón con estas amigas sin cara y sin voz. Pero con la conciencia que aunque a la distancia tienes muchos brazos abiertos que te van a acoger y muchas manos que van a enjugar tus lágrimas.
love all of them they make me feel all warm and inspired
Courage, vos sculpture sont magnifiques
Agnès
Lucy, I am so saddened by what your family is going through. It sounds like your FIL is a “strong” man and is trying to pass that strength on to his loving family. I’m praying for you and your family.
CAS
((Hugs)) Words don’t erase pain. Not sure hugs always do either. Grief is tough.
Sweet, Lu, I pray you and your family have peaceful days ahead. It is not going to be easy as you wake each morning wondering what the next hours will bring. Keep creating. It is the way you deal with the pain. Your husband will find his own way, as well. Love each other in these trying times of sadness and do what brings some relief. Do not feel guilty by how you deal. It’s what makes you, you. God bless.
Lucy, may your family be blessed for tackling the difficult task of “end of life”. Too many distance themselves & leave the care of a loved one to the “professionals”. It is a dark valley, but the light is all the sweeter upon emergence — no regrets.
It is good that in the midst of death you are able to create. God placed that spark in you — don’t try to stifle it because of current circumstance. The pieces themselves will become part of the tender memories of this path you’re travelling.
Thank you for pouring your heart out, and for being so vulnerable and real about your life. I will keep you all in my prayers. Your blog post and the bloggers that poured love back to you brought tears to me. The joy of blogging and this wonderful community of woman is something I am so thankful to have. It is those that are most real in their (like you), that grow the most and will find themselves most loved and supported by their followers.
Life is definitely fragile, but with my love and trust in Jesus, He has provided the strength to make it through even the darkest hours such as your family is now experiencing. Look to him…poor out your soul, and than trust Him to walk you through it. In the 23rd Psalm He promises to be with us ‘in the valleys of death’. He surely was for me, when I lost my Mom to cancer, and continues to guide me through the years of loss of and heartache of missing her presence.
Be still and know that He is with you… If in creating that is where you find rest, are able to be still and just relax, and get fresh oxygen…than how blessed you are. I’m sure you’ve heard of the term and program that ‘ Art Saves’? And so it saves you as well.
Just know you are in our thoughts and prayers during this difficult journey and love that you are creating to deal with it. My creating is a salve as well.
Love your bookcases too, and all your creativity you share.
Gretchen
One does not have to guess that your husband’s outleti is the strength and peace you give and create for him…you are in my thoughts…
Your little flowers and pinecones are beautiful and so are you. I can see the sadness in your eyes though, and it comes through so clearly in your writing. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with your family through this difficult time in your lives. Blessings to you all.
Lucy, I am so sorry that the old year had and the new year continues to bring such heartache for you and yours. My father passed away two years ago yesterday and it was so hard to see him slipping away. My mom tells me that he is in a better place, but the best place was with us, I think.
So, I continue to send prayers and good thoughts to all of you. It is fortunate that you can work with your hands as you work through this difficult time, so that out of such pain there is beauty.
So sorry to hear of your sadness. I hope you can find some peace in your beautiful craft and your lovely family. Thanks for sharing….we are have tough times.
Your father in law, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers! There is nothing anyone can say to make it better but just know that you have a group of friends (bloggers) that care and will be praying for you!
My prayers are with you and your family. May God surround you all with His love and strenghth.
Breaks my heart. Hugs. Thoughts and prayers are with your family.
I am here Lucy. WE are here.
Peace be with you.
Evelyn
Thinking and praying for you during this waiting period.
You are so honest. Prayers are with you. Blessings during this time in your family. Your art is gorgeous, lovely. Blessings~
Lucy,
You are so beautiful, inside and out. I love to read your post, they really come from the heart. I’m sorry that your father-in-law, husband and you are going through this difficult time. Your art is beautiful, I know the Lord has given you this art to comfort you.
Lucy, your post touches my heart. I sat by my dad’s bedside for days while cancer took him away, so I know the heaviness the loss brings. Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time. Please don’t feel badly for posting your feelings. Those that enjoy your site will be there with you I am sure. Also, don’t fell guilty for escaping with your art as your husband needs you strong for him. Your art helps you find that calm that he needs you to have right now. Hoping God’s mercy will find a way to bring you all the peace to get through this difficult time.
Dear Lucy, I just found your amazing blog through http://creatiefblogvandeweek.blogspot.com/2012/01/winterse-pinguins.html
I’m so sorry that you and your family having such difficult times.
Just want to let you kow that you touched my heart with your extreme lovely blog. You are in inspiration!!!! I will return adn put you to my favorites.
A big healing hug
Sinikka
You have already been blessed with the gifts of talent and love. May the spirit add the gift of strength to deal with your sorrow. Thank you for sharing.
I feel for you. This past year I watched my father die in much the same way. His body just plain quit. Although this is a difficult time for you all, I encourage you to “savor” it the best you can. Some of my fondest moments with my father came toward the end of his time here with us.
Your words have touched me. Thank you for sharing such a personal thing with us all. You’ll never know what gifts you send to unsuspecting readers!
Continue to use the talents you have to feed your soul, and don’t ever regret it.
As one door closes, another is preparing to open. And in the sadness of seeing that door close, we hear it click shut and we morn as we should. Than one day as only God could do, he stands before you a new door to go through. It is our choice to go through it or just watch and know that it is there with all of its possibilities.
Praying for you and your family.
We aren’t going anywhere Lucy! I am so sorry for your sadness. Even in sadness the beauty of your work shines. Praying for all of you!
Never feel guilty for taking care of yourself in any way that you can in difficult times.
Aw Lucy…you are so right about simply creating to cope with immeasurable loss on the horizon. It seems your FIL and my mama got the same news the same time…oral chemo needs to come to an end. My mama is still moving about, though considerably weakened from the cancer, and we know she has short months to live. I also found out last week one of my dearest real life friends cancer had returned and there is nothing to be done. She is not yet 50 and leaving behind 2 newly adopted daughters from the Philipines and her first grandchild (due any day). SO HARD.
My daughter’s wedding provided many peaceful hours of crafting, but now that it’s done, I’ve basically fallen apart. I wrote about it yesterday, and again you’re right, it can be difficult to post our struggles (especially this time of year as everyone is spouting all the great goals they have for the new year…and I feel stuck). But the internet web has brought lovely words and encouragement, and I’m so glad I put myself ‘out there.’
I wish you and your family peace as you say your long goodbyes to a beloved parent. Thanks for the reminder that when we stop creating, we suffocate. I hope I can take it to heart and find something to do with myself.
Those are so beautiful 😉
I have no idea why my blog is leaving links.There is a code that you can put in your template if you wish to e-mail me.
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