Hello friends – I hope you are all keeping well and having a great week thus far.
Please let me apologize in advance as this will not be a typical post for Craftberry Bush, but a post about an incredibly important topic that I feel in my heart the need to write about. It is my sincere hope that I neither offend nor upset anyone and I hope you all understand.
I know that many of us have been blessed with wonderful husbands; husbands who love, support and respect us as women. But there might be some of you who have not been as fortunate.
Last night – as I sat here in the comfort of our home – I could hear what sounded like crying. When you become a mom, you develop a special tuner that immediately gives you a signal to stop whatever you are doing and seek out the source of that sound.
I listened and soon concluded that it wasn’t any of my children, who were thankfully fast asleep, but the crying sounds of a woman who continued and got progressively louder. What was alarming is that I could also hear a man screaming and that’s when I realized they were having a serious domestic argument.
I am not a nosy person, but I do care about the well being of people, so I approached the window and soon realized that he was being abusive to her. I cannot say for certain that he was physically abusing her, but her crying and his words led me to believe that he was.
I have never been in this circumstance and wasn’t sure what to do. Do you call the police? Do you go and knock on their door? Thankfully, they stopped soon thereafter as I think they realized that most of the neighbours had now come to see what was going on.
I was so saddened by the situation that I could not fall asleep and all I could do was pray. Pray that she sees that she is worth more than that; that a man has no right to treat a woman in that manner.
Be it verbal, physical or mental abuse, it is not acceptable.
I don’t know this woman as they only moved in a couple of weeks ago, but my heart aches for her and I don’t know how to help other than asking God to protect her.
I know that for many of you, blogging is a means to get away from your day to day, to de-stress at the end of the day or take a little break from your chores and so I appreciate this subject is not necessarily a cheerful one. But I hope you understand that I am following my heart and if I can help just one person through this forum I have to do it.
So I am making a plea that if you are a victim of domestic abuse or if you anyone who is, please, please seek help. I cannot tell you that I know how you feel, but I do know that you are worth more than that. You might not think that you can do this, you might think that you have no where to go, you must be so scared. But you are not alone.
There are many organizations that are willing to help and assist in getting you to a safe place so you may have the life you deserve, your children deserve. Because every home should feel safe.
You are not alone. God loves you and even if you don’t believe in God, know that HE sees you and He has not forgotten about you; you need only reach out to HIM.
You need to break the silence…..
Home Safe has a great post with very helpful information
USA
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
Help Guide
Domestic violence guide
Canada
Help guide
Domestic Violence is never ok
You are not alone
Thank you for reading…it means the world to me.
much love,
Lucy
Oh thank you for posting this. This topic always hits close to home. I’m sorry to hear about your neighbor, but I’m glad to hear your prayed for her. I know she could use strength right now. I always think calling the police is a good idea. Situations like this are scary, uncalled for, and can escalate quickly.
Praying for her and you!
How scary!!! I hope you have the chance to let her know that you are there if she needs you.
When it happens again… for it will, call the police. Make sure you tell them it is a domestic and that it has happened before. You can tell them you want it to be an anonymous reporting.
Lucy- I think it is one of the biggest taboos of this society…abuse that is covered up, often ignored by officials and an insidiuous monster that never gets better-it only gets worse.
I see it everyday and it is heartbreaking and you can bet if there are children involved they are being abused too. It is a hard call to make. If you DO call the police and they come and don’t arrest him, he gets worse. He takes it out on her for “being so loud that the neighbors can hear”. It is heartbreaking, sickening, awful.
I guess my best advice is to go to her when you know he is gone and offer her a safe place to run to-if you are not afraid for your OWN and YOUR FAMILY’S safety. If you can’t do that then maybe there is someone that you know that can offer her that safe place.
I am sure that the damage he has done to her emotionally far exceeds the physical offense he has levied against her. God bless her…and maybe the best thing we can do is pray that he gets hit by a train on his way home!;>O Did I say that? xo Diana
You know I had a friend who was being abused but until I convinced her (blackmailed actually) to go to an abuse group because she thought what he was doing was alright because he wasn’t physically abusing her. She is now divorced from this jerk. I agree with NanaDiana and just give her a safe place to fall
what a heartbreaking reminder of the pain that some endure…thanks for sharing.
alison
Excellent post. Thank you for using your forum for awareness. I would encourage you to find a local organization that specializes in freeing/treating victims of domestic abuse, and ask for their counsel in how to best handle this the next time and as you seek to build a relationship with her. I’ve little doubt God has a reason she’s moved in next to you.
Your words are very powerful.
Sorry you had to go through this ordeal.
But your feelings are being heard. And that’s important.
Maybe your neighbor will read this. I pray she gets the help she needs and the same for him.
Thanks for posting this. I’m so glad to read the comments, too – that people in blog land actually care. I wrote a post about my abuse, but only two friends responded.
http://screamingsardine.net/2010/11/my-father-my-husband/
Thanks,
Tracy
Thank you so much for posting this. It is happens more than we know. I have a friend that has fled an abusive marriage. The sad thing is that his family and friends don’t believe her. She is in counseling and is still trying to get a divorce. Please, if you hear this again, call the police.
Thank you for tackling this subject. I’m so sorry about your neighbor. I hope those who read this feel empowered by it.
I know your circle of friends here is generally women but I have to say that I am so grateful you posted this. It is too important to sweep under the carpet. As well, thank you for praying and acknowledging God, the one who can truly heal our hearts.
Ron
You did a great job with this post. Such a delicate topic. I have never experienced this personally, but I remember growing up we lived in a town house and heard the neighbors going through the same thing. Beating, throwing of furniture and yelling. We did call the police and that woman came by the very next day thanking us. She and her husband eventually divorced.
In this situation I would certainly call the police. There may be a chance they recently moved to the area because of a d.v. report. I know it’s hard to do so. I have been reluctant toreport such things in the past, but now I am not. If someone, anyone may be in the presence of danger, I’d rather be on the side of someone of authority knowing than not. You could request the report be anonymous.
Bravo on your report and the resources. I hope you help someone.
Please do call the police when you hear it again. In the communities I have lived, women are givin information on support services for abused whomen by the police officers who respond, And sometimes women don’t realize that it is abuse until they start hearing that from others. I usupect someone somewhere will benefit from your post. Good job!
Tracy´s article about her own experience on Screaming Sardine´s website, was an eye-opener for me.
Thank you Lucy for directing me there.
Thank you Tracy for writing this and posting it.
I read it today and for the last few hours it has been putting little puzzle pieces into their places. Why do I choose these relationships? Why do I go there again and again? Now it makes sense.
However, like Tracy said, you do not enter these situations knowingly, it creeps up on you.
Lucy, if I may slightly highjack your forum and ask if anybody that has been through this have some REAL advice of how to avoid choosing such a partner again? As Tracy says, I have the wrong frame of reference to what a healthy relationship looks like. How can I rectify this in order not to get trapped again?
Thank you for listening.
Leré
Oh your poor neighbor. That must have been terrible for you to see and hear…it would be so uncomfortable not knowing quite what is going on and what to do about it. Maybe God put her in your path for a reason.
As someone who had suffered being abuse by my spouse.. I can say please next time call the police … you don’t have to give your name..
pray for her.. if can befriend her..
It takes an woman who is being abuse on the average 7+ tries to leave her abusive spouse before she does finally .
She has to know in her heart,mind and soul that she does not deserve this and that there is something better for her out there..
I did and I thank G-D everyday that I had family and friend who supported me in every way they could..
I’m now blessed with a wonderful kind man..
Denise n TN
You didn’t call..u should have. I am confrontational. I have made comments to people in public being abusive. U have to think what if… what if tomorrow she has a black eye and a busted lip? Will I be able to look her in the eye knowing I didn’t help? It got quiet… what if the coroner picks her body up in the morning? Will I be able to live with myself knowing if I had taken a minute and been braver than she could be for herself and dialed 911 the cops might could have spared her life? She has to be brave enough to accept help…someone just has to offer it. Call 911. If u fear repercussion ask they leave your name out of it. I’ve been on both sides. I’ll never live like that again…